am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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