ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
