hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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