Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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