i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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