woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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