So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
