I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
