I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
