so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
