She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize