Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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