you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
