Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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