your thong is hanging out like whoa
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
