i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
