i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
