I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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