Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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