just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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