I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
