I accidentally burped into my bong.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
