just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
