She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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