I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
