I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
