I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
