the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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