when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
