Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
