What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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