I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
