The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
