dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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