I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
