my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize