then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
