Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
