Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
