i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
