My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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