Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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