absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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