Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
