i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
