Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
