"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dear god my vagina.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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