so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
