So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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