i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
