can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
