Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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