Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
