I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
