this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize