Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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