i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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