Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
