just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
