I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
