My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize