Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
