Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
