Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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