Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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