do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
